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| See how close it is to the stove? This was not my brightest moment. |
A few weeks ago I had one of those hangovers
that you crawl out of around 6:00 pm, dry-mouthed and blinded by the dull glow
of your digital clock, swearing you'll never drink again. Usually this pledge
lasts until about Thursday at 3:00, when you decide a few ales will go down
perfectly fine.
For me, this "never again"
statement had been made several times in the few months prior, and this
particular time I had just had enough. I'll spare you the sordid details, but
on a scale of one to Lindsay Lohan, we're looking at about an eight. The next
day shame spirals were of course annoying, but more than anything, I was just
sick of feeling like death the entire next day. So, I decided enough was enough
and I stopped drinking. (Not entirely- but mostly. Just for the future, if I
reference drinking you don't need to worry I dropped out of a twelve step
program or anything. I just changed my definition of partying to a two-drink
max, and that's only for special occasions. We're talking some major
grip-getting is all.)
So anyway, as you may have already deduced,
because I have no doubt in your deductive reasoning skills, I chose possibly
the worst time of year to jump on the wagon. Holidays = drinking. New Years Eve
is basically a girl's excuse to paint her body in sequins, wear something
entirely inappropriate for the weather, and drink as much cheap sparkling wine
as possible whilst hunting for the perfect Mr. Midnight Kiss. (Which no one
will admit to secretly hoping that kiss will actually turn into the perfect relationship
and become the basis of a romantic comedy and every hilariously adorb answer to
"so how did you guys meet?")
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| Cheers! |
Anyway. My main goal in my quote-unquote
sobriety was to still remain fun. I should point out that a huge part of my
social image is this party girl thing. I can do a shot off my forehead without
touching it with my hands. This is a party trick that blows people's minds. So,
this sober girl had some big shoes to fill of the gin-soaked alter ego.
The biggest component in this fun-ness was
not to be that a**hole who was the DD the night before who at brunch starts
every conversation with the passive-aggressive hilarity of, "Omigod, do
you remember when you fell into the DJ booth/made out with that dude/sobbed in
the bathroom for an hour because they played your ex's favourite song?"
(For the record, I personally have never been a crier in the bathroom. But I've
seen many a battle wound tended to in there.) Of COURSE I remember. And if I
didn't, why are you reminding me? I always have a mixed feeling of wanting to
crawl under the table in shame/wanting to stab that person in the eye with the
spicy bean from my breakfast Caesar.
So, I clearly won't be that annoying person.
Instead, I will be the DD and actually enjoy my Eggs Benedict at brunch instead
of feeling like I might hurl if I have even one look at hollandaise sauce. And
I will share this delightful idea of a homemade ice bucket with you. I saw this
on Jamie Oliver’s holiday special, and I think I have established my adoration
of him in quite a few previous blogs.
Start by cutting the top (just about to
where it reaches its full width) off of an (empty, obviously) 2 litre pop
bottle. Buy a bottle of a spirit of your choice (I chose bubblegum vodka,
because this was a gift and it was pink. I realize only 16-year-old girls would
drink this, but for the record I wasn’t buying alcohol for underage children.)
Put the alcohol bottle in the empty pop bottle. Now, fill with water and
various herbs (almost to the top but not quite). Jamie Oliver used Christmas
sprigs of foliage, but I chose herbs like rosemary, thyme and sage. Not only
because I grow these in a pot and they are easily accessible, but also because
if you use a spirit like gin or vodka, you an actually put these herbs as they
de-freeze in your drink for a stylish little mix. Freeze. If you are lucky
enough to live in the Great White North, as I do, you can just pop it outside
for a few hours. Otherwise, I hope you have a sensibly organized freezer.
Here’s a little tip. Don’t place this
anywhere near a heat source as it melts. This will cause it to melt unevenly,
and then it will fall and possibly smash your friend’s brand new glass
stovetop, which would be an expensive thing to replace in order to save a
friendship. Santé!
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