No time for an amusing story today. You need a recipe for a quick and fast summer salad. Here is the easiest one ever.
You'll need (and I'm assuming you're feeding a crowd. Reduce everything by half if you aren't)
1 can of drained and rinsed black beans
2 can of drained and rinsed peaches and cream corn
4 sliced green onions
2 diced tomatoes
4 tablespoons roughly chopped cilantro
juice of 2 limes
salt and pepper to season
Stir it all up and let it chill for as long as you can. I'd add in a Sangria recipe here, but I realize you're in a rush and have no time for that! Enjoy!