Marry Me Apple Pie

Most of you ladies out there have probably heard of a little thing called Engagement Chicken. It's a magical recipe that supposedly brings about a proposal, but I can't vouch for its effectiveness just yet. And I'm not going to blog that one, because although I've made it in the past, you can find it online anywhere. Instead, I'm going to write about Marry Me Apple Pie. I suggest serving it after the Engagement Chicken for a sort of one-two punch - and don't forget to wear your orange blossom oil because that's important too.

First step is to buy your apples. Get about 8 granny smiths, or whatever apple you like. Granny smith are nice because their tartness stands up to all the sweetness of the pie. (I used only 6 and my pie had a bit too much space. Get 8). Peel them up, slice them thinly, and spritz them with some lemon juice so they don't turn ugly.

The next thing is the crust. I just went and bought the frozen Tenderflake, and here's why: first of all, it doesn't really matter. Second of all, a delicious pastry crust from scratch calls for ice cold butter. My apartment has no air conditioning and it's the middle of July, so I have no ice cold anything. I also have no food processor so even if I did have cold butter, touching the dough with my hands would ruin it instantly. (I'm fully aware that back in the Dark Ages, before A/C and food processors, people still made apple pie effectively. I just have no idea how. It's probably something you can Google if you want Pioneer-level authenticity though). So just use Tenderflake. No big deal.

Everybody in the pool.

Next, get a sauce pot going over med-high heat. Melt some butter and brown sugar and throw in your apples. Stir them about to coat them with the caramel flavour of the sugar and butter. Cooking them on the stovetop first isn't really necessary, but I like a soft apple in my pie. Add some nutmeg, cinnamon, and a bit of white sugar. Just use your judgment with the amounts because I'm sure it will be fine. Just don't go too crazy with the nutmeg.

When your apples start to brown and soften, put them into the bottom half of your pie shell. Make sure that the shell is room temp so that you can pinch together any cracks if necessary. Add a little more cinnamon, a little more sugar, and some lemon juice. Then put a few dollops of butter on top of the apples. 

Ready for the top shell.

Add your top layer of pie shell. This is where I realized I didn't have very many apples, so I ended up tearing off about a one-inch margin of the shell all around. You probably won't have to if you use enough apples. Wet a fork and use that to crimp down all the sides of the dough. It makes it look pretty and keeps your filling from bursting out of the pie in the oven. Next, make sure you cut some vents in the top of the pie. Four vents about 1.5 inches long should do it. Now sprinkle some white sugar over the top layer of crust so that it crisps up in the oven.

Out of the oven!

375 degrees at about 30 minutes, or whenever you think it looks done. Serve with vanilla ice cream and you can't go wrong! You are now the "marrying type." Await the proposal.